When getting Scarlett ready for school, I noticed August 3rd on the calendar. This marked Matt & I’s original anniversary before we were married. It has been 11 years now since we started dating. 11 years of love, fun, obstacles & a list of memories to fill up a room. I am one of the lucky ladies that get to say I met my soulmate at a very young age, but it wasn’t until a handful of years later that the stars aligned again for us to be together.
Our wedding date is October 4th, which we will be celebrating our third anniversary. Our relationship didn’t shift much until the last two years. That is when we decided to have our little one, Scarlett.
As many of you know, having a child is like no other challenge you face with your partner. For better or for worse, you are in it together for the fun, windy long haul of raising a little one. It has been quite the journey so far!
Best friends don’t always get along though. Best friends also make mistakes, even after 15+ years of knowing one another. We aren’t perfect & those that say their relationship is, please share your magic with us because as usual, there is always a hidden trick.
People will always make mistakes in relationships, even if it is unintentional. For Matt & I, we had to start with recognizing our mishaps & mistakes, which now has allowed us to continue to work on them & build our healthy partnership. I will be the first to admit my flaws & would hope by sharing mine, it will only help others too.
Everyday, we continue to work on them together, so that we have years of happiness together.
I fall victim to this because let’s face it, people get into a routine & it can become tough to break it. We forget about the little things that are important to our spouse & that is when things begin to fall apart. If both of you have different work schedules, this can also make things even tougher.
We have been making more time for one another without distractions this summer & it has made a huge difference in our relationship. For instance, we had date night not too long ago & enjoyed the fair together. Not something that is in our daily routine & it was an exciting event to look forward to.
They say you are compatible with someone who have the same interests as you, but what about the uncommon interests? The ones that we don’t enjoy as much or partake in as our partners do. Matt & I both have activities & sports that we enjoy separate from each other & I consistently make the mistake of not involving myself in them.
Is it purposeful? Not at all. Enjoying separate things is normal, but what isn’t normal is me forgetting he enjoys them. Just because I don’t doesn’t mean I shouldn’t ask how his favorite team played today or how he likes his new disc he got in the mail.
Those are important to him & conversing about each other’s interests only helps build appreciation for one another’s differences. That’s what makes us all unique right?
I am a huge advocate & believer in The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, a world-renowned marriage counselor. If you have not heard or read the book, it is an absolute must for any relationship, new or old.
He explains the five ways that love is given and received & the roles they play in our relationships. There are countless ways to show affection, but we all have a primary & even secondary love language of how we want love portrayed on us.
In brief, the five are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service & Physical Touch. From spending time with your spouse uninterrupted to hearing how great you look, each of these gesture falls into a category.
My primary love language is Quality Time. I would give anything to be with family & friends & enjoy every day with them. Whether it is a day at home or a planned outing, I just love being around others. My next one is receiving gifts. This doesn’t mean tangible, crazy expensive things. Getting cards on my birthday or receiving a secret note in my bag will make my day.
In turn, I absolutely love giving gifts. I find any excuse to make something or do something for others. My post, My Love of Gift Giving: Celebrating Grandma, is all about how much gift giving means to me.
Matt’s primary love language is Acts of Service. Not only does he enjoying helping others, he loves when others help him out. It is doing little or big things for him that make him feel loved & appreciated. This could be something as simple as having a lunch ready for him or getting laundry done before he gets home from work.
His second love language is Physical Touch. Many people get this one confused, but don’t just go that route people. He likes it when I randomly give him a back scratch or touch his leg on the couch while we watch Stranger Things.
This is where I have made my biggest mistake in our marriage; I forget he has love languages too.
He has needs just like I do that need to be met to feel important, loved and appreciated. Dr. Chapman tells us that we can forget them often, so it is important to verbalize & remind one another of them. It takes effort to remember our partner’s love language, but it isn’t work if you love your partner.
I always look back at when we first became a couple & why we feel in love. What has made us happy all these years & what made us decide to make the commitment to one another 11 years ago?
Numerous things of course, but ultimately, I enjoy his quality time, and he loves my acts of service that I show from gift-giving to helping him in any way possible. Take the Love Languages quiz here to better your relationship.
In the end, our mistakes don’t define us. They help shape our relationship & we learn from them. What is most important is that we don’t dwell on our mistakes & try to work on them for the better. Why wouldn’t you for the love of your life?
What mistakes do you make in your relationships & needing reminding of? What helps you tackle them?